Pervers Narcissique: Uburyo umuntu ashobora kugutesha umutwe akoresheje urukundo rufifitse

Mu buzima busanzwe, si kenshi abantu basobanukirwa ko hari ubwoko bw’akarengane gashobora gukorwa n’umuntu usa n’uwitonda, ukundwa na bose, ariko inyuma ahishe ubwirasi, ubugome n’uburyo bwo gukoresha abandi nk’udukoresho tw’amarangamutima ye.

 Uwo muntu ni wa wundi uzwi mu ndimi z’amahanga nka pervers narcissique. Ni umuntu ufite imyitwarire ya gihungabana yo mu mutwe imutera kwitwara nk’aho akwitayeho, agukunda cyangwa akwitaho, ariko mu by’ukuri ari kugukomeretsa gahoro gahoro mu mutwe no mu marangamutima.

Umuntu ufite iyi ndwara aba afite ubushake bwo kuguhindura umuntu ucika intege, udafite icyizere, ugengwa n’amagambo ye, ndetse wumva ko nta gaciro ufite uretse kumuba hafi. Nk’uko byasobanuwe mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe na Paul-Claude Racamier mu 1986, pervers narcissique yihisha inyuma y’isura y’ubugwaneza n’ubuhanga, ariko agakorera abandi ibikorwa by’iyicarubozo ryo mu mutwe (violence psychologique) bitandukanye n’ibigaragara inyuma. Ashobora kwigira umwere igihe cyose, ndetse akerekana ko ari we uharenganira, agashaka guca intege uwo babana cyangwa bakorana kugira ngo amugenge mu bitekerezo no mu mibanire.

Muri iyi mibanire igoranye, umuntu aba atangira kwibaza niba ari we ufite ikibazo, agacika intege, agahora yishinja amakosa atakoze, ndetse rimwe na rimwe akigunga bitewe n’uko uwo babana ahora amuha ishusho y’umuntu mubi cyangwa udakwiriye. 

Uko umubano ukomeza, ni ko akomeza kwigarurira icyizere cya mugenzi we, akamugira umugaragu mu bitekerezo ndetse akanatuma amugirira impuhwe ku buryo budasanzwe. Marie-France Hirigoyen, mu gitabo cye Le Harcèlement Moral cyasohotse mu 1998, agaragaza ko ibi bikorwa ari uburyo bwo kumukamura amarangamutima, agategeka uko agomba kwitwara, uko yifata n’uko atekereza.

Abantu benshi bibwira ko indwara nk’iyi itaba mu rukundo cyangwa mu buzima busanzwe, ariko iyo urebye imibanire irimo guhora ubabazwa, guhozwa ku nkeke, kwigishwa kwitinya cyangwa kubura icyo usubiza igihe cyose ugerageje kuvuga amarangamutima yawe, byerekana ko ushobora kuba uri mu mibanire n’umuntu ufite iyi ndwara. Abahanga mu mitekerereze bemeza ko iyo umuntu akomeje kubana n’ufite pervers narcissique, ashobora kwinjira mu bihe byo kwiheba, kugira impungenge z’igihe cyose (anxiety), cyangwa gutakaza ubushobozi bwo gufata icyemezo.

Ikintu cy’ingenzi ni uko umuntu amenya kwiyubaha no kwimenya, akamenya ko kuva mu mubano mubi ari intambwe yo gukiza ubugingo bwe. Gutinyuka kugisha inama inzobere mu mitekerereze no gusubiza ubuzima mu murongo ni uburyo bufasha uwahuye n’ibi bibazo kongera kwiyubaka no gusubirana icyizere.